Entry 16: Sausalito Scandal

The closest portal was in Sausalito, so after finding out the Duck was threatening to burn down Kookie’s home forest, Louis decided they need to head there first anyway.

After a quick tour of Sausalito including the factory Kookie worked in (and robbed tomato sauces from), they could then return to Australia and save the forest. It was all pretty straightforward but a tough decision for Louis. Returning meant confronting the Duck. And Louis wasn’t so sure he cared enough about Kookie’s home forest to face the music. He had to ask Kookie if he really had any family in the forest to be convinced.

Kookie replied, “I think so, but who knows?”

“You don’t know?”

“Well, let’s see. Last time I was back in Timboon, it was 15 years ago. And there was my Uncle Barks and Aunt Polka Dots, but really they were younger than me. I lose count of my age so what their relation is. I liked Cousin Choco-melt, but he was shot out of a cannon in the last century.”

“Those names sound made up to me.”

“Yes. By me. I can’t remember everything,” Kookie complained.

Louis sighed, “Fine, let’s save your stupid family.” Then a grin crept up on his face, “Do any of these kookaburras happen to have the Cwazy Gene?”

“Of course. Or they will pass it to the next generations. It runs in my family.”

Louis had an idea. If he could raise awareness about the Cwazy Gene through Kookie’s biography, maybe he’d make a lot of money from book sales and from tipping off researchers about the secret location of Kookie’s family so they could study the gene more closely. He could then split the profits with the Duck. So, all he had to do was meet the Duck and try to renegotiate the terms of his debt to repay him in the future on the basis of his tenuous new career goals.

After hitchhiking by bus to Sausalito, Louis followed Kookie to the tomato sauce factory he was employed in a couple decades before. It was a rundown building in a desolate part of the city, with peeled paint and a broken sign that had fallen from the outer wall to the cracked concrete in front of the entrance. The sign read: ‘Velvet Red: Sausalito’s Finest Tomato Sauces. Founded 1876’.

“Looks like they are out of business,” Kookie said.

“You don’t say. Well, on the bright side, the building is abandoned, so maybe you can give me a tour.” Louis had his notebook ready. This was it, the first official entry for Kookie’s unauthorised biography. Louis had made a margin on the side to jot down key dates next to each entry.

Kookie led Louis inside and began to walk around self-importantly. Most of the equipment was gone but there was still some rusted machinery including conveyor belts lying around. Kookie pointed at these as they walked by, “Here’s where I made some of the best batches of sauces ever. The founder thanked me personally in a note with many congratulation stickers.”

“You mean the founder who passed away in 1901?” Louis held up a flyer he had found on the floor.

“Yes, that is the same person.”

Louis started to panic, there was no way he could write a biography about a subject who was such an unreliable narrator and lied for no reason. But before he could spiral, he heard a rustle coming from the direction of the high windows.

“You hear that?”

“I sure as heck do!” a sing-songy voice replied from above, and Louis jerked his head up to see a bird flying down from one of the windows. The bird landed next to them and Louis realised it was Puffin.

“Puffin! Where did you come from?” Louis laughed but felt the same chill he had when they had last seen him. It went away when Puffin smiled, “I’m so sorry buddy! I know this was meant to be a special trip for just the two of you, but I couldn’t help join in the fun. Came here all by my lonesome hoping to run into you good folks! Must say I was mighty glad to catch sight of you from afar when you arrived at the factory.”

“Well, unfortunately, Kookie is exaggerating everything about his time here. So I think we might leave and check out the Golden Gate Bridge instead. Want to join? We’ll be heading home soon after.”

“Home? But you only just got here.”

“Afraid something urgent came up.”

“Well, at least let me tell you a quick story about Kookie’s time here, if that helps?”

Louis was relieved, “Yeah that would be great. I forgot you were in Sausalito at the same time. Would appreciate it.” He got his notepad ready again.

“Where to begin, where to begin… Oh yes, I was employed here at this neat sauce factory at the same time as Kookie.”

Louis was surprised, “I didn’t know you were employed here too?”

“Why yes, I was,” Puffin grinned, but a bit too widely this time. “And my buddy Kookie decided to start eating into the sauce supplies right about the time I joined. So get this, here I was, this excited young puffin looking to make it in the big city, to get out of that snow-covered hell they call Alaska,” Puffin began pacing, “And one day I turn around to the boss accusing me. He thought I was stealing the sauces! And he fired me. Why yes. And Kookie here – the fat, stupid bird – well he just stood there and said nothing!”

Kookie looked at Puffin blankly.

“So, I was fired. Next thing you know, I can’t get a job reference to save my life and well- oh well you know how these things go! I lost my confidence in my abilities and made my way back to Alaska. And I never forgot. Then one day, Kookie shows up to my humble burrow, looking for a place to crash. He was hiding from the authorities. Turns out, they did catch him soon after, not just at the factory but committing a half dozen other white-collar crimes. And he was banned from Sausalito and needed a place to hide. So I let him! Pretending to be his friend, while all this time biding my time for decades, waiting for the day he stupidly returned to Sausalito-”

“Wait, Kookie got banned from Sausalito?” Louis interrupted in disbelief.

“You better believe it!” Puffin said. He stopped to hear something then smiled at the sound of approaching sirens. “Oh and look here! The cops have arrived right on time after I tipped ‘em off, impressive.”

Louis made a move to grab Kookie and fly away but before he knew it, they were both caught in a net that dropped from the sky peeking through the broken ceiling.

It was several hours later and Kookie and Louis were locked up in a prison cell. It was the worst cell with no windows because Kookie wouldn’t stop arguing with the cops about why a place called Sausalito had no premium sauces. He also threw away their bird seed rations because he wanted donuts.

Louis walked back and forth, refusing to speak at first then finally turning to Kookie for an explanation.

“So you knew you were banned from an entire city this whole time?”

Kookie shook his head, “No, it is a simple misunderstanding.”

“Yeah sure, that’s why we’re locked up in a cell.”

“It is not fair. And the police refuse to share their donuts.”

“Don’t worry, I’ll ask again. That way I can strangle you with one.”

“What a waste of a good donut!”

Louis was about to shoot another insult back when a guard came up to their cell, “Well, aren’t you two lucky birds!”

Kookie and Louis stared back, confused.

“Smile, my animal friends! You have someone here to bail you out.”