Entry 12: Career Change

Inside Puffin’s burrow, Louis saw Kookie dozing off next to the gas cylinder with a yellow/purple striped beanie pulled down to his beak. Puffin raided a cupboard in the corner and chucked a beanie and scarf in Louis’ direction and he put them on gratefully. Never mind the colours made him look like a clown.

There was an awkward silence as their mutual ‘friend’ continued dozing, mumbling something about “stupid pigeons”. 

“So – crazy weather we’re having here, hey?” Louis said, clearing his throat.

Puffin nodded but looked puzzled, “Yeah. Crazy good you mean. Perfect level of snow. It’s a comfy doona of snow without leaning into insane blizzard category,” he enunciated his words with violence. “Weather you can only dream of, my man,” he sighed happily.

Louis shook his head and gave up on conversation. On the bright side, his tail was starting to defrost in the heat of the gas cylinders.

Kookie continued mumbling and they both caught his words, “Why is it Sausalito if there is no good sauce?” He groaned in anger and pulled his beanie over his beak so his whole face was now wrapped up in it.

Louis couldn’t help but chuckle, “Honestly prefer the guy without having to look at his smug face.” Puffin looked puzzled again, so Louis quickly added, “What’s Sausalito?”

“You’re kidding,” Puffin replied but with a good-natured grin, “It’s a swell city next to the Golden Gate Bridge down in Cali. Pretty rad place for fish of all sorts, you catch my drift. That’s why I made an expedition there a couple decades ago, back when I was a young one. Met Kookie there too.”

“What was he doing in California?”

“Looking for spaghetti sauce, of course. That was the heyday of Kookie’s obsession with spaghetti. He was after the perfect sauce,” Puffin paused then continued, “Reckoned he’d find it in Sausalito ‘cause of the name.”

Louis snickered, “Of course he did.”

“Yeah. He thought he’d find a premier spaghetti sauce factory in Sausalito and went there at once. He wanted to acquire some of this sauce at dirt cheap US-of-A sweatshop prices and sell them for a threefold profit back in Aus.”

“Give me a break. Where does he come up with this stuff.”

Puffin chuckled, “Kookie’s had plenty of business ideas and modes of employment over his life. He’s an inspiration.”

Louis looked at Puffin closely and realised he wasn’t joking.

Puffin continued, “If only I had an iota amount of the same courage. Why, going to Sausalito was the craziest thing I’ve ever done. And that ain’t even that crazy. I missed the snow though, the good old blankets of snow.”

“Trust me, you’d need the Cwazy Gene to do crazy things like Kookie,” Louis waved a wing dismissively.

“Huh, what? What’s the Cwazy Gene?”

Louis was surprised. Puffin clearly didn’t know anything about it. “Kooks didn’t tell you he has the Cwazy Gene?”

“Nope. Sounds made up to me.”

Louis squinted in disbelief, “And you never thought…there’s something, eh, off about him?” Something completely nuts.

“Nah man. He’s a great bird, one of the finest sorts.”

“Yeah okay.”

Puffin looked off into the distance, contemplating with a smile, “You know, if someone wrote a biography of his life, I’d read the heck out of that.”

“A biography of Kookie Banjo Jr?” Louis clarified.

“Yeah. Imagine the things he’s experienced and persevered through in all of his expeditions of such great courage and risk. Each chapter would be a cosy bedtime story read nightly beside the gas cylinder on those sad blizzard-weeping days.”

“You think there’d be readers for that?”

“Of course! People, birds, all humans and the animal community. Telling you, it’s like living vicariously.” Puffin suddenly scanned Louis with new eyes, “What about you writing it out for us keen readers?”

“Who, me?”

“Yeah you. You clearly have time to join his expeditions. Maybe you can write out his life story and all about his wide and varied employment history.”

“I’m an investigator,” Louis snapped. “I don’t have time to write up some bird’s sad life story over more than a century of crazy living.”

But Puffin was not to be dissuaded. He smiled, “Well why be Sherlock, my friend, when you can be a Watson?”

Louis was a bit stunned and lost for words, this statement was so deep. He wasn’t sure he followed it though.

Kookie woke with a start. Without pulling his beanie back to uncover his face, he pointed blindly in Louis’ direction, “Louis, you are back. Good. I have a new business proposition and I need a partner to invest $0.25 million. Do not worry about it, you will reap a 150% return as it will give tourists the opportunity to snorkel next to deep sea monsters.”

Louis took in this insane idea and slowly but surely, felt himself change his mind: Yes, he would become Kookie’s biographer after all. And he would chronicle Kookie’s life story including all of his varied and wide work history, but not for the reasons Puffin had suggested. No, it would be to raise awareness about the Cwazy Gene, so maybe one day enough money could be raised to find a cure – and the whole world would be rid of the annoying exploits of Kookie and any other cwazy kookaburras.

“Forget that idea,” Louis replied. “Let’s go to Sausalito.”